Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
