hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
