I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she peed on how many people?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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