Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
