my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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