Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I love you.
Bad choice
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