i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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