yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
