Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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