BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're breaking my sexual little heart
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
