Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
