You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
