So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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