I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just found a bag of teeth...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
