your thong is hanging out like whoa
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
