Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
