at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
