Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize