I faked an abortion last night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
