i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
