u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
