I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
