i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
