I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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