So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
