sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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