i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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