We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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