I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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