just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
