are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
