I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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