there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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