he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
