the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
