can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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