I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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