My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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