i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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