I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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