this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
