I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
