So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
