i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
