We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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