just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
