you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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