So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
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