i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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