I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
