Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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