I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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