I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
