Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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