I think my fart just growled at me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
