my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
