so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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