like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the day after is always just damage control
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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