I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
