I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
