We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
