It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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