I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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