Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
