Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
