and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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