Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
