i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
