shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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