I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize