The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize